Tag Archive: relationships


I recently changed my birth control method from pills to an IUD. Over the course of many years, I’ve used every method except Norplant (which always scared me) and sterilization. My favorite has been NuvaRing, but because I suffer from migraines and have a family history of high blood pressure, it was determined that I shouldn’t use it.

My doctor told me that the IUD is a good option for me as long as I am in a monogamous relationship. Well, my theory on monogamy is that the only person that I can guarantee is being monogamous is me (that’s another post.) Nevertheless, I decided to step out on (faith?) and believe that I am being honored with the same level of fidelity that I am bestowing upon the person that I have been dating for a year. (If you read my ‘Unhappy Valentine’s Day’ post, you’ll realize the irony in the timing of this.) To that end, I opted to go with the IUD because 1) I’m horrible at remembering to take pills and 2) due to my insurance company’s arbitrary rules I could only get a certain number of pill packs at a time – no matter how the prescription was written. Highly annoying.

For those who don’t know, an IUD (intrauterine device) is is a small t-shaped device that is inserted through the cervix and placed in the uterus to prevent pregnancy. The kind that I chose prevents pregnancy for five years. One shot deal – five years of protection..sounded like a good deal to me. Well, without being overly graphic, suffice it to say the past week has been trying. I’ve been feeling none too well. I figure my body just needs to get used to this newly placed object. I told a friend today that I wasn’t feeling well due to the IUD and her immediate response was “Why are you using birth control? You’re over 35!” Ok, well, damn. I know I have fewer eggs now, but I still have some and I’ll be damned if I’m trying to let them get fertilized. You see, the older I get, the more I develop a very (irrational?) fear of getting pregnant. I want absolutely NO parts of it. I love babies and if I like you enough, I’ll even babysit yours, but I certainly don’t want any of my own. At all. EVER. I explained to my friend that condoms slip, come off, break, etc. and for my own peace of mind, I need to use another method because I absolutely do not want to get pregnant.

Well, lo and behold, I get home and read this article on The Washington Post.com which basically states that I have nothing to worry about because I’ve already lost at least 90% of my eggs anyway. Well, my remaining 10% may be fighters, so I’m not taking any chances. I have two children already (a teen and a pre-teen) and I’m looking forward to an empty nest. Syndrome,schmindrome. “Fly away little birdies. Mama loves you!”

So, ok, maybe I don’t have anything to worry about. Maybe the few thousand eggs that I have left are happy to be left alone. Maybe I am being completely and totally irrational. But as long as the only four packs I’m buying are from Cinnabon and not Gerber, I’m ok with that.

Be who you want to be today.

…TMR…

Well….it’s Valentine’s Day. I WISH I had a sweetheart to share the day…and the night…with; however, I don’t. Until very recently I was dating a man whom I adored. Too bad he didn’t adore me; so I had to let it go. It’s still fresh and it still hurts like hell. I was tempted to text him a “Happy Valentine’s Day” message earlier today, but I thought better of it. A friend told me about a party that’s going on later tonight. I’m thinking about going, but honestly, I’m not sure that I feel up to it. I’m not really the social butterfly and when I’m feeling down, I really don’t feel like being bothered with a bunch of strangers. Truth be told, even when I’m not feeling down, I usually don’t feel like being bothered with a bunch of strangers. On the other hand, I feel like I might as well get out of the house and mix & mingle. Not with the intention of trying to meet someone, but just so I don’t sit in the house and dwell on my recently lost love.

Ending a relationship at any time is painful, but ending one right before a “romantic holiday” is especially difficult. I already purchased personalized presents that I thoughtfully selected and was excited about giving to him. I drafted and re-drafted the message that I wrote inside of the card that it took me several trips to the store to select. (I have a thing about only giving cards that reflect how I truly feel, so in the end, I selected a blank card and wrote my own message.) I had a plan of how we would spend the evening (not the day because he gets his daughter on Sundays.) All of this, only to have everything fall apart, including my heart.

So what becomes of the broken-hearted on Valentine’s Day? Well, I woke up this morning wearing my “Love Bites” pajamas, so what does that tell you? I’m wondering if I should call or text him. Of course not. I’m wondering if he’s thinking about me. Of course not. I’m wondering if I should force myself to go to this dang party knowing that I don’t really want to go. Hmm, maybe. I’m thinking I’ll just stay home. After all, I went out last night to celebrate completing my 30 day challenge, that’s enough for one weekend. Right? I don’t know. I just don’t feel up to all of the pomp & circumstance that goes along with going out – picking out an outfit, doing makeup, etc. I just wanna relax. Oh – and in the words of Jill Scott, “I just wanna be loved. Like everybody else does. I just wanna be loved. I just wanna be loved.”

Be who you want to be today.

…TMR…