Tag Archive: Loneliness


Well….it’s Valentine’s Day. I WISH I had a sweetheart to share the day…and the night…with; however, I don’t. Until very recently I was dating a man whom I adored. Too bad he didn’t adore me; so I had to let it go. It’s still fresh and it still hurts like hell. I was tempted to text him a “Happy Valentine’s Day” message earlier today, but I thought better of it. A friend told me about a party that’s going on later tonight. I’m thinking about going, but honestly, I’m not sure that I feel up to it. I’m not really the social butterfly and when I’m feeling down, I really don’t feel like being bothered with a bunch of strangers. Truth be told, even when I’m not feeling down, I usually don’t feel like being bothered with a bunch of strangers. On the other hand, I feel like I might as well get out of the house and mix & mingle. Not with the intention of trying to meet someone, but just so I don’t sit in the house and dwell on my recently lost love.

Ending a relationship at any time is painful, but ending one right before a “romantic holiday” is especially difficult. I already purchased personalized presents that I thoughtfully selected and was excited about giving to him. I drafted and re-drafted the message that I wrote inside of the card that it took me several trips to the store to select. (I have a thing about only giving cards that reflect how I truly feel, so in the end, I selected a blank card and wrote my own message.) I had a plan of how we would spend the evening (not the day because he gets his daughter on Sundays.) All of this, only to have everything fall apart, including my heart.

So what becomes of the broken-hearted on Valentine’s Day? Well, I woke up this morning wearing my “Love Bites” pajamas, so what does that tell you? I’m wondering if I should call or text him. Of course not. I’m wondering if he’s thinking about me. Of course not. I’m wondering if I should force myself to go to this dang party knowing that I don’t really want to go. Hmm, maybe. I’m thinking I’ll just stay home. After all, I went out last night to celebrate completing my 30 day challenge, that’s enough for one weekend. Right? I don’t know. I just don’t feel up to all of the pomp & circumstance that goes along with going out – picking out an outfit, doing makeup, etc. I just wanna relax. Oh – and in the words of Jill Scott, “I just wanna be loved. Like everybody else does. I just wanna be loved. I just wanna be loved.”

Be who you want to be today.

…TMR…

For the past few weeks, casual phrases such as “Hello” and “Goodbye” have been replaced by “Happy Holidays.” Friends, co-workers, cashiers at the grocery store…everyone feels compelled to say “Happy Holidays” and of course, I respond with the obligatory “Happy Holidays” or “Same to you.”  I tell you, I can’t wait for the “holiday season” to be over. Dead.  Done with.

Outside of getting time off from work (which, believe me, is TRULY needed and appreciated) this time of year isn’t all that happy for me; and I know I’m not the only person who feels this way.  I can barely muster up the requisite “joy” for the sake of the children, which everyone is quick to inform me I must do.  Whatever. I stayed in my pajamas on Christmas day.

Don’t get me wrong – I know that I am blessed to have a home, food, clothing, a job, my physical health, etc. and I do not take any of that for granted at all. I am grateful everyday, even when it may not seem like it.  Still, the holidays serve as a huge reminder to me of what I no longer have – parents and a romantic relationship.  When I’m thinking of gift-giving, I can no longer wonder what to get my Dad, or if my Mom will like what I chose for her.  I have no significant other (not even any prospects) to gift with a sweater/watch/cologne/Kama Sutra kit.  I love my children; but they are no replacement/consolation for either.

I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t jump for joy around this time of year.  Some people have Seasonal Affective Disorder and thus for them, the issue is biological. For others, the holidays bring up a sense of loss and/or loneliness. For me, it’s probably a combination of the two. Some people feel financial pressure to gift more than they can afford. Whatever the reason, everybody’s holidays aren’t gonna be happy.

That ever present “Happy Holidays!” refrain can be almost as grating to my ears as the Salvation Army bell. (No disrespect, but that bell is annoying.) People say it on auto-pilot, just as they say “How are you?” knowing they don’t really care. I know people mean well; I’d just rather not hear it. I hate to sound like Scrooge or the Grinch – just keeping it real.

Be who you want to be today.

…TMR…